you lose touch
and the distance becomes too great to bridge. old life,
old values, old feelings. everything old passes away and
only i am left. on purpose. i know i lose touch on purpose.
what can i say? their lives are the same, mine is so different
than it was. i am different than i was. they wouldn't know me
i can't sleep tonight. maybe because i'm worried about how
i'm going to work this thing out with my car, maybe it's the
conversation with g, which i haven't related here. something
keeping me awake.
what they don't know, what they can't see
it's being on that road that makes me free
some say i'm running
i know i'm falling...
isn't it funny how a life can change so drastically? how the shape and
fabric of your life can be so different from what it always was, what you
thought it would always be? i can see the exact moment my life changed
and it is such a sad thing. so when patti called tonight, i let the phone
ring and then listened to the message she left, smiling at the sound of
her voice, then deleted it. what can i say to her? she expects me to be
"Denise," someone i haven't been in 4 years. someone i'll never be again.
good thing? bad? i never know for sure, probably won't ever know for sure.
so life becomes something that seems to be lived by someone else living
inside your skin, not by you yourself. not by me. i have never felt so alone
as i have these last 4 years. from a life filled with family and friends to this
twisted, bitter woman in such a short time.
or maybe it's just that thing that's keeping me awake tonight that's talking.
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