i tell myself i'm over all that. that you just were
able to move on easier than i did because i had
no one to move on to.

but you feel like my first love. even though you
hurt me over and over and felt that your needs
were more important, and that your moods and
problems were of greater importance than mine.

it just struck me.

that's what it was. i was bad off because of everything,
the leaving knapper, my kids, strange place, you, and
you were just trying to...escape.

were you able to?

because wherever you go, there you are. honest.

working things out the hard way, that's my curse.

i knew this would be bad the closer it gets to the
"important dates."

what brought this on was the post from storm.

i guess i want everyone to hate you and they don't.

i guess i want everyone to see that you are so different in real life.

cowardly and cowed.

are you still?

i notice you stopped posting as you.

you should just keep right on posting, you know.

i troll for you when you're not around.

there are things about that time that i will never forget
and there are things that i will spend the rest of my
life trying to forget.

and i'm mad still that i meant so little to you as a human being.

i'll try and forget that, too.


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