The World Stops Suddenly

 

and all the air is sucked out of a room
and you tell your heart it must keep beating,
it must, that is a lesson from the past, a
date from infinity, nothing to be worried
about now.

but a name will do that to me. a street sign,
the sigh of glenn's dog which sounds like
my dead ex-father-in-law. like he's right in
the room with me.

and though i haven't been a maiden in too
long, my cheeks bloom pink and my breath
freezes and i think, for just one moment, i
will die.

instead i feel my heart start back beating and
i sigh myself and go about the pointless business
of living life in the here and now.

go away, black-hearted demon. go spawn more
hell for some other hapless soul. i'm too tired for
this tonight. weary and full of nameless dread
at what the morning will bring.

i keep it together pretty much when glenn is here
and awake, but i lose it at this time of the night
and when he's gone.

"if you were wise," i whispered to him tonight
before we made love, "you would run as fast
as you could away from me."

and he smiled and kissed me, made promises with
his body that i know his heart will keep and it just
hurts sometimes when i first wake up in the morning
and it is this place i am in. this man i am with. this
life i am living.

it all just hurts.

then it goes away and i'm left with the pieces of my
heart to pick up.

it is not lost love i mourn, but a life i wanted. one i have
craved and didn't know i had until i left it. rooms and days
constructed of silence and clean, polished surfaces.

denise

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