Words Are Stuck Inside Of Me Today



smells and sounds are taking me back to places
i've left behind, places i don't want to go. making
me feel things that should be dead and buried, but
they're not.

the air smells of hope, the smell of the earth warming
and turning its face towards the sun. i have morning
glories to plant, but i don't know where to put them.
i'm afraid when they bloom they will make me cry. i
would plant them around my front porch and sit there
in the mornings after i got home from work and watch
them wake up while i drank a cup of tea and had a
smoke before going to bed.

sometimes i don't want to be here. in my life, i mean.
i want to be someone else, somewhere else, doing
things by rote, things i've done all my life.

i hung one of my quilts out on the line this morning,
just went outside to take it down. the beautiful blues
and pinks, interlocking circles, it all made me so sad.
life is a circle, so they say, and i feel as if i'm just going
around and around in circles in my life. i'm better for
a while, then i trip and fall to my knees, wondering if
it's really worth the effort to get back up.

spring and fall are my favorite months. one bursting
with new life, one dying.

it's just a circle.


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