Wedding Vows

 

i take you forever,
until the end of time,
until our hearts stop beating,
i take you into me.

but forever came and there
were too many angry words,
or worse, silences, and the
vows became chains and wrapped
themselves around our necks
until we couldn't breathe.

it was raining the day i told
him i couldn't do it anymore,
couldn't live that lonely,
without a friend in the middle
of the night, and his hand was
too harsh, his voice too filled
with scorn, his heart too hard.

we sat in that room looking straight
into each other's eyes and i watched
his tears start, heard him promise
he would change, he would be better,
he was sorry for all the pain, all
the hate, all the anger.

the room closed in around us and i
held him in my arms and cried my
own tears for what we had and lost
and with the knowledge that nothing
would change, nothing would be different,
that he loved me with all his heart,
but the love couldn't transcend the
silence, the loneliness, the aching
for something more.

24 years ago an 18 year old girl
and a 19 year old boy told the
world they loved each other
until death they did part.
and when the death came, there
was only the two of them in that
room with the rain drops sliding
down the window like God's tears.

i wanted to hold my wedding rings
in my hand today and remember how
much i loved him, how he was the
world for me, how he held me and
loved me in such a sweet, innocent
way at the beginning, how he loved
me with his wild heart, how we made
babies and a home and promises that
we eventually broke, but i pawned
them last year and now there's only
the aching and the echoes of a love
that died on a cold, rainy day.

denise

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