Treason

 

stop now. i understand. i got the obvious, finally.
just let me live my life in the best way i know how
and i'll stop trying to live yours, in yours. and i'll
stay in my little corner and pretend i'm not here
so you can feel better.

i won't whisper and i won't shout. but i'll be
here, watching in case...

just in case.

oh, fuck it. fuck this shit. fuck this trying to find
the right balance every time and trying to float and
flailing miserably in the water when things get too
close, too hot, too near, too real. just fuck everything.

there. that peace. this peace that creeps quietly
and thankfully into my head when i let the words
out.

you think it's the noise you make that gets your point
across. you have a million and 4 words to define
everything, but you don't understand, won't understand
that it's with silence that the most important questions
are answered. it's only when the silence claims me
that i understand what it's all about.

it's about gently rocking yourself when things hurt.
it's about holding someone in your arms so both
you and they can stay connected to the moment.
it's about not being afraid to be wrong, sometimes.
it's about it being your life and your choices and your
decisions and taking responsibility for all of it.

it's not about denying or disagreeing or disinterest.

but hey, the obvious always becomes clear to me
eventually.

doesn't it?

denise

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