a test. just a test to see if i have
changed. have i? i've been mean most
of the day, though that disappeared
after my 5 hour nap tonight. woke up
mad, went to sleep mad. just kept getting
more and more angry as the day wore on.
now i'm feeling trapped inside these emotions
that were dredged up from the bottom of my
"don't look in here" box of memories. and
talking about it doesn't help, tom.
in fact, i just left our conversation because
the emotions are boiling over again and i don't
want to feel this way.
sheesh! you'd think people would have the common
courtesy to just die and leave me the fuck alone,
but NO! they have to live and exist and have their
names mentioned to me over and over, like some sort
of desensitization therapy or something!
if they must live, why can't they live without me
ever having to hear about their lives?
a lesson here somewhere, but i'm too fucking angry
to see it right now.
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