i loved how you walked naked and proud
through my house, unashamed, free.
one time you told me the neighbor lady
i always had to be covered up, wanted it
dark, secret. you wanted to see me. i
was ashamed. sometimes we would
leave the windows open and i would
cry out and then cover my mouth with
when i realized i wouldn't see you anymore,
i would walk from room to room, as though
searching for something. sometimes i would
get up quickly from my chair at the computer
and start for the hall and would catch a glimpse
of my dead brother standing at the door.
i would sit at the window looking out at the
street and wait for you to come back, tears
streaming down my face, unsure of what to
one night i thought i was dying, but it was just
hope dying instead.
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