Sea Of Lonely, River Of Alone

 

it doesn't matter how many
people populate my life or
share my space, or are with
me, i am always alone. i do
it to myself, too. it's what
i want. i want to be alone,
isolated.

lonely is better than some of
the alternatives. my lover is
here right now and i asked him
to stay, but i don't want him
here, and when he talks about
us living together, i cringe
and tell him no, we will never
live together again.

i need all this space alone
with no one in it but me, no
matter how i yearn for someone
beside me. i like my double
bed with me sleeping single in
it. i like the table set for
one. i like the dark with only
my shadow and the shadows of my
own personal ghosts.

and if sometimes i sit in the dark
and cry for what i want and cannot
bring myself to have, that's my
business, i guess. that's my burden
and one i live with.

denise

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