on the other side

 

having lived through the terror
and the pain of being lost and
used and thrown away and hurt
and discounted, i find i am
more alive today than at almost
any other time in my life.

the last couple of days i have
wandered the rooms of my house
and felt a peace i've never known,
a joy i'd forgotten how to feel.

here i am, a grown up, making my
own way in the world, working at
a job that challenges me, fulfills
me, makes me feel rich and worthwhile,
and the bad things from the past are
behind me, the good things in life
are in front of me, peace is with
me now.

and if you'd asked me 2 or 3 or 5
or 10 years ago if i could have
ever have felt these things to the
depth that i feel them now, i'd have
laughed in your face and then cried
like a baby, believing these things
could never be mine, i could never
feel this way.

tomorrow may bring more bad things,
but i've learned to survive bad
things, they don't last forever,
they pass with time as all things
do. and the lessons i learned in
surviving will make the bad things
of tomorrow easier to get through.

cause now i know that when the ghosts
and the pain and misery threaten to
eat me alive, all i have to do is hunker
down and wait them out.

i like it here on the other side of hell.
i like it here in this place i never
believed i could be.

denise

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