Not Gonna Cry, Nope

 

give in to despair?
me? strong me?
unbreakable me?

but that's what i
want to do. and i
don't know exactly
what it is. i just
don't know what's
got me this way.

i felt bad at work
all night, though it
flew past. things
were complicated,
interrupted a zillion
times trying to do
treatments, everyone
in pain and needing
something from me,
short of help, so
no one got our best,
they got maintenance.

driving home the traffic
was horrible. the road
goes from four lane highway
to two lane congestion and
it's horrible at 7:30 in the
morning after a horrible night
at work. huge semi trucks
taking forever to get down
the road, the mountains on
the right side of me, hell
in front of me, pain behind
me. i'm trapped! that's
what it is.

here it is 9 in the morning and
i'm working on my stupid web page.
who the fuck is going to want to
read any more of my self-absorption?

not me.

i can't do this anymore. it's that
simple. nope. not gonna cry. not
going to do anything but give up.

denise

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