I Need More Words, I'm Thinking
to get me through the rest of this night.
no, i didn't want to argue with you,
though i resented your "lecturing"
tone. you disagree with me, that's
cool. i disagree with you sometimes,
too. it doesn't mean most of the time
i don't think you're a rational and capable
i'll give up the last word if it needs to be
given up by someone. you can have it.
i don't need it. (there really is no "last
word", you know. that's a trick your
mind plays on you to help you keep
believing you're right and everyone
else is wrong.
sometimes i'm right. sometimes you're
right. if you're right, i'll usually tell you
so. if i'm wrong, it may take a while
to convince me. i'm like that.
i'm horribly irritating, amazingly resilient,
breathtakingly beautiful (ok, so i made
that one up. i could be, you know.
all you've seen is a picture of me as
an infant), infuriatingly opinionated,
genteel with just a hint (ok, so it's
more than a hint, it's my post, i'll
say what i want) of trash thrown
in. i can make polite conversation
at a party, use the correct fork at
dinner and i've been told (though
i wonder if it was a compliment,
it didn't FEEL like one at the time)
i clean up nicely. but i can also go
to a rough bar and feel right at home,
all i have between me and the cold, cold
world is this shell i've painted to protect
myself. nothing more. it does ok most
of the time. sometimes it cracks and
i get all crazy because i get afraid you'll
see the real me.
it's cracked right now.
please, no peaking until i repaint.
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