Michael Is Dead

 

i found out last night.
it can't be real. i just
haven't heard from him
because i'm not online
much anymore, that's all.
i owe him email. he's dead.

why him? really? because life
was painful for him? because he
was good? and i mean good in the
sense of being a good, decent human
being who didn't use other people,
who didn't play games. michael
was in a lot of emotional pain and
he was always honest and up front
about it. he could be needy at
times, but everyone is needy
sometimes. he never insisted i
fix his pain, he just asked why
he had to have it. did i have
any answers for him? no, not
usually.

michael is dead. it's easier to
deal with here at home, being offline.
michael, my dear, dear friend is dead.

and my life is changed in some not-so-subtle
way. there is a hole in me where he used to
be. "people never really die, they live on
inside of us." well, forgive me, but he's
never going to email me again, never going
to make me laugh or smile. he will never
call me "sneecie" again. and it doesn't
feel like he's alive inside me.

denise

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