Tell Me More Lies

 

I stand in the rain, broken
in more places by you.
tears burn like acid and scorch
my cheeks, sobbing, breathless with
the pain that we cause each other.

I want to walk away and not look back,
forget that for a while I was in the sunshine
and dared to be happy, that I was going to
find peace after all the wars I've been in.

There is no peace. There is no place for me
to run and escape this life of pain that was
bequeathed me at the moment of my conception.
the little girl who lives inside me screams at
the thought that nothing ever changes, nothing
good ever lasts for long.

I try to tell myself that this is temporary, that
I have just gone mad for a while and soon things
will change and I will be able to lose the blackness
that follows me, invades me, torments me. I tell
myself that I am old enough now to know that I can
let go of the past. Lies. I don't believe them
anymore.

Every time I think I can change my life I get pushed
back into the past and into the pain that is mine
for the rest of this life that I'm forced to live.
I can't run, I can't escape the words that define
what I am. Your lies, mine, theirs, they all end
up being the truth and I can't pretend anymore that
I don't believe them.

Sometimes, like now, I listen hard to the silence and
hear echoes of slaps and curses and promises that I will
never be hurt again and I know that I will always want
to believe the lies. Tell me more lies so I can pretend
for a while that this is just a temporary thing and tomorrow
I will feel again the hope I felt when I got in my car and
drove away forever from one man's hate and before I realized
that hate wears the mask of love, too and speaks pretty
words and disguises itself with the thin veneer of truth.

tell me more lies, please. I need to get through another
night, another day and right now all I can think about is
the lasting peace of the grave where no lies are told and
no truth hurts. I need more lies.

| home | back | next | words |