letter to my future self

dear denise,

in 10 years you will be broke, miserable, terrified, 
jobless, at risk of losing your car, your house, and 
your self respect. here's some advice:

1. go back to college RIGHT NOW and get your RN degree 
while you still live in Michigan and all your previous classes 
still count. DO IT! knapper will complain and bitch; don't let it bother you. 

2. hug your sons every day. in 10 years you will live hundreds 
of miles away from them and you won't have the chance to be 
close to them like you are now.

3. DO NOT BUY A COMPUTER! i'm serious about this. you don't 
want one. it will complicate your life and draw you further and further 
from your family. take up knitting instead.

4. don't leave your husband. he's an asshole, but he's basically a 
good guy. you won't know until it's way too late, but he loves you 
and you are his world. you need each other. work it out. 
scream, fight, throw things, break things, make him listen. 
he'll come around eventually.

5. enjoy your life. enjoy your family. keep your dreams alive by any 
means possible. the world is a harsh, cold place. you are loved and 
cherished right where you are. the grass is NOT greener on the other 
side, it's an illusion. you have every single thing in the world you need
right where you are now. 

6. exercise. take care of your body. YOU ARE NOT FAT...yet. you will 
be one day, though. it's not pleasant. people treat you like a non-entity 
when you're overweight. their eyes slide right over you... on second thought, 
get fat. being noticed is not all it's cracked up to be.

7. and finally, love yourself. you are a good person. you are creative 
and gifted and the people who matter in your life think you're wonderful. 
don't waste your time trying to convince yourself and them that you are 
a horrible person. you're not. one day you will be all of the things i listed 
above and you will stare at your face in the mirror and wonder where the 
years went and you're going to need to be strong. 

i love you no matter what you do or who you are. that should be enough to sustain you.


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