It Was Blue


i think. or maybe brown.
it's hard to tell now because
it's in my head and gone just
as fast. it was a wish, i think.
or a dream. maybe just something
i hoped for. i can't remember now.
but it was something, i'm sure.

it was something good and decent
and kind. it was something i aspire
to be. it was a mood or a song or
an opening line in a book. it was
tacked on at the end of a movie credit.
it moved very fast, almost too quick
for me to grab, but i caught it with
my almost-long fingernails.

it was tiny, like a spark, cold,
like the ashes of a love that's
burned itself out. it was well
meaning, i think, though it ended
up nearly killing me. it tugged on
my arm so hard that i felt the muscle
separate from the bone in my shoulder.

it was dark. it tried to suck me in,
but i was stronger than it was. at
least that time i was. all i have
left of it is this feeling in my

it was blue, i think. or gray or purple
or soft mist green.

and i loved it very, very much.


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