Inside My Head

 

noyesnoyesnoyesnoyesyesyesyesNONONOyesyesnoyes.
fear, black and thick, desire, hot and grape-colored, purple
swirls with huge green slashes. write the words, they will
not come true, shout the words, shut your mouth, shut the
fuck up. is that the mailman, no.yes.no.yes.yes.yes.ohlook,
alovelycatalogofuselessthingstomakelifeeasier.buybuybuy
byebyebyenonono.hold on. love doesn't keep youalive,it
only gives yousomethingtolivefor. beautiful, beautiful brown
eyes, not green, not blue, no glasses, nice nose, beautiful
mouth, he kisses me sometimes and i crawl inside my skin
because what have i ever done in my life to deserve love?

"you are the most kind, giving, loving women i have ever
known." well, i guess you haven't known a lot now, have
you? because i'm a bitch. "why do you say that, denise?
who told you those things? who made you think they were
true?" they are. "they aren't." how do you know? you've
only known me for 7 months. today is our anniversary. 7
months. it takes 9 to create a new life. today is your anniversary,
too, isn't it? are you dead yet? can i be dead, too? look inside,
what do you see? someone always beside you to keep you
from being alone. i'm not afraid of being alone. i'm afraid of
being with someone. why doesn't he see the real me? what
does he see? "why do you think i'm here?" i have no idea.


thankyou, comeagain!

denise

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