i've been dreaming about the past

in a dream i watched my ex-husband turn his back on me 
and walk away. i woke up almost unbearably sad. his back 
turned, walking away from me. that was him moving on, i guess. 
i'm happy for him, but i'm sad for me. i didn't know he loved me, 
i never felt it. 

today i dreamed of Bill. he was sitting on my couch talking to me. 
he looked relaxed. his hair was short. he talked of his life as it is 
now. then he got in a car and drove away. 

"Two loves," Deborah said. "I see two loves in your life but i'm not sure 
if you've already had them or if they are still to come."

i'm sure.  i've already had them.

last night a man who loves me shared himself with me. 
we made each other happy, gave each other comfort,
then this morning he got up and kissed me goodbye. 

i'm sad today.


*author note*
this was written April 24, 2003. 

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