Grievous Sin


not loving or even liking yourself.
for how can you like or love another
person truly if you can't like or love

depressives seem to be the least
able to accept themselves. i've
never seen a depressive who was
able to say, "this is what i am, who
i am, and it's ok."

perception is such a tricky thing, isn't
it? it colors every decision, every choice,
every facet of our lives. the ability to
perceive things clearly is very hard for
most of us. all things seem to be colored
in deepest black.

most things, i've learned, are livable.
most things change or end or move
in a different direction eventually.

last night was black for me. but this
morning the sun is rising, the birds are
singing cheerfully and the air is cool
and fresh.

it's the holding on for the change that's
hard. it's the need for things to change
RIGHT NOW and the inability to perceive
correctly that things have changed that
keeps me stuck.

"timing is everything," i was told at a job
interview once. some things have their
own rhythm and nothing we do will force
them to move faster or slower.

forgive me for rambling.

a survivor of many a black and hopeless night


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