"Don't Put All Your Eggs

 

in one basket," she said to you and so you didn't, you put
them in many baskets and then chose one that
seemed to be the best basket. and all day
long i've been thinking about this basket
thing and cursing god under my breath because
MY basket wasn't THE basket.

but i guess things work out, don't they? for
some people anyway. i don't have anyone to
guide me, i have to find my own way and it's
hard and a lot of times it is really, really
dark, not filled with sunlight like your life.
and i'm not afraid of the dark, but i get so
annoyed that i have to bump into things and
try and figure out what they are just by
touch, not by seeing them as they really are.
because sometimes those things that feel good
end up not being good at all.

so tonight i was sitting outside on my last
break and just for the hell of it i started
singing that song, the one i used to serenade
the fireflies with, and i started crying,
couldn't help it, and of course that's when
an aid came out and told me that so-and-so
needed pain medication. she just looked at
me funny as i wiped my eyes and said, "i'm
an emotional girl," and tried to smile at her.

it will always, always hurt. just not as much
or in quite the same way. but that pain will
be with me for the rest of my life and i think
that sucks, that that's all i got from it when
you seemed to have gotten so much more. so i
add another item to the resentment list and add
another line to my face, another gray hair and
name them "love."

denise

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