sunshiny saturday, so why do i feel so blue?


it should be raining. it should be one of those black days
where everything is dull and lifeless. it would match my
mood perfectly. i am in pain. i hurt inside. i cry and cry
and the tears just burn and never release the pain i feel.

i want i want i want. i am only days from getting what
i want but the cost is more dear than i ever imagined.
it's a question of being selfish or selfless. i want to
be selfish. i want to think of myself and get the thing
i want so badly. i know deep inside that it is meant to
be. that it is right and good. but to get it i have to
think only of myself and this goes against everything i
am, everything i want to be. broken promises, broken
dreams. broken me. this thing i want will go a long
way towards helping me fix the broken places inside
of me.

why must it be a choice? why must someone lose so
that i can gain? why is life so filled with obstacles and
road blocks? why do i have to care so much for other
people and so little for myself? why can't i just be like
a lot of other people and not give a shit who i hurt as
long as i get what i want?

asking once again, "has the cure for a painful life come in yet?
no? ok, thanks. i'll check back again next week.

| home | back | next | words |