anniversary

 

tomorrow is an anniversary. i'm sentimental
that way, ya know. the first this, the first
that. they are milestone markers that i
count on in my life.

i can tell you the day and time i met my
ex-husband. i can tell you what he was
wearing, what he smelled like, what was
on TV.

so i put on some music that hurts.
god, i used to love this CD before i left
Michigan.

now i play it and i'm driving down the hot
streets of Springfield in the dark looking
for something, or i'm in my closet, or i'm
driving to or from work.

but glenn is sitting here at the next desk
and i thought i could listen to this CD.

but i just ended up crying. can you taste
the tears in this post? it's drenched.

we all carry our own sack of pain on our backs
and it is unfair to ask someone to take your pain
and add it to theirs for very long.

see, it's this song. this song is so sad, but the
music is so beautiful. i would play this song
when i was in Michigan and imagine the day
i danced with ...

but we never danced. or at least, we didn't dance
to music. we danced around each other, afraid of
the truth, afraid to say those really important things.

it's so funny. i mentioned this song and said how i couldn't
wait to make love to it.  we never did.

i didn't know how important the words were until everything
was all in ashes and i was alone.

and i'm happier now. i feel stronger than i ever have
in my life. but those milestone markers, man. they
sneak right up on you and punch you in the gut and
you're left stopped, gasping for breath and wondering
how everything that was supposed to be so good ended
so very badly.

be careful with your hearts.
some never heal completely.

denise

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