saturday night alone together

 

he's here. part of our
ritual when i'm not working.
i spend one night at his house,
he spends one at mine. and usually
it's Friday at his, Saturday at mine.

and before i had my phone it was perfect.
snuggled on the couch watching movies
and giving each other foot massages,
lights low, slow, sweet looks before
we kick krys out of my bed and banish
her to the big TV in the living room.

watching my little TV in my bedroom, lying
with legs entwined, holding hands, laughing
at small, stupid things. paradise for a
weary, lost soul.

but tonight he wanted my machine, not me, and
i gave it to him, generous this time for i know
how he misses the speed and bells and whistles
on my machine that his doesn't have. and i took
a nap on the couch, fell asleep to some show on
A&E or TLC, one of those intelligent cable channels
that makes paying for television worth it if you
can manage to stay awake.

woke up and realized we were all together apart.
hours isolated in tiny rooms doing our own things.
i sang some, listened to music i've recorded, watched
a show about the faces of evil...something missing
from the ritual, something i really miss.

this is what my marriage was like, and i don't
want that again. i lived too many years alone
together. it left me aching and vulnerable
prey for those with little integrity and a lot
of male sex hormones on the net. it left me
empty.

so i kicked him off my machine, but what i really
wanted to do was kick him out of my house, out of
my life. i won't live a life like that again.

there are better things to do with a Saturday night
off from work than to spend it together alone.

denise

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