a day to myself


or at least a morning. i've swept and dusted all
my rooms, cleaned the toilet, arranged things
just *so* and am happy with the results.

i'm taking this time to clean up my life.

so, i'm thinking. what is the main cause of

i'm thinking it's that lack of connection you feel to
other human beings. some common ground
that you don't share. an awkwardness in
interacting with people.

we really can make friends anywhere. people are
all individuals, but within that uniqueness there is
a commonality that binds us all to each other. a
smile is the most recognized and responded to
facial expression. i don't know that for a fact,
but i know it in my gut. i have never had someone
fail to respond to my smile, either with words, "hello",
or with a smile of their own.

it starts with a smile. in the middle are the words that
we all use to share ourselves with each other and
at the end is a friend .

sometimes i miss Wendy so much that it's like a physical
ache. there is no one here in Alabama who knows me
as well and yet still understands and loves me. my mom
tries, but she's so caught up in her alcohol-drenched
visions of our shared past that she doesn't understand.

If you are blessed with only one friend, i pray for you that
your friend is like Wendy.

and i know i give that back to her. i only question her behaviors
that affect me in a negative way. and even then, i only had
to do that once and it never happened again.

the first time i met her she came and sat at my table at the bar
where we were doing karaoke. that was 1994. "hi!," she laughed,
"i'm Wendy and i'm going to be your friend."

i was sitting alone as i always did when knapper wasn't with me.

i just smiled.  "that's nice."

it started with a smile and in the middle were all those words we
used to share our lives with each other, and in the end, she was my best friend.

it's not always easy, i know, but your smile is always responded to, too, i'll bet.


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