a case of you

happy birthday, knapper. you're a year older than me. are 
you happy? are you happier than when we were together? 
22 years we laid beside each other in bed. we laughed (you 
laughed until you almost cried when i talked in my British 
accent. that memory makes me smile to this day.), we cried 
together. we held each other's hands. we hated each other, 
too.  i'd like to hold you one more time. i'd like to tell you to 
your face that i made a mistake. too late now to rectify, but 
it's the truest thing in my life.

i hope your birthday was wonderful. i hope you took the day off 
and spent it in the woods doing what you love best. i hope someone 
made you a cake. i hope someone told you they love you. 
in case no one did, i'll say it:

i love you, Bruce. and i always, always will.

i went and picked up my check. it was smaller than it should have been 
because i took a day off and because they started taking the money 
out for my 401K. this is the first 401K i've ever had. i laughed out loud 
when i saw that it had started. i'll be saving $60 a month for my retirement. 
i hope i keep this job until i'm no longer a nurse anymore. 

i didn't think i'd go to karaoke tonight, but i might change my mind. 
G sang to me while we laid beside each other in my bed last night. 
i am his choice. is he mine?

i've got a bad case of you right now. i keep looking for you every where,
but i can't find you. this is probably a good thing. 

i love you, too. as long as my heart is still beating, i'm still in love with 
who i thought you were. i wish i could find someone like who you 
pretended to be again.


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